How Do I Stop Being the Victim and Become a Victor?

Last Updated on December 20, 2022

Feeling sorry for yourself can mean you have an unfortunate life.

To stop feeling like a victim and become a victor, though, you need to reframe your mind.

Here’s a better way to think: You can always overcome living an unfortunate life situation.

If you don’t know how to do that, let this article help.

Here, let’s discuss how you can stop living life with a victim’s mindset. This way, you’ll know what to do to free yourself from a troublesome mentality and live a spectacular life.

Victim vs. victor: Learn the difference

From an outsider’s perspective, it’s easy to see the difference between people with a victim mentality and people with a victor or survivor mentality. 

A victim is someone who feels the world is out to get them. Meanwhile, a victor is someone who won against the world being out to get them.

For a victim and victor, however, it’s not always the case. Because they’re part of the picture, it can be difficult to see situations clearly. It’s even more difficult if they (usually, someone with a victim’s mind) don’t even try.

So if you want to get rid of your victim mentality, you need to try — try learning the difference between a victim and victor.

Once you can distinguish a victim from a victor, you can easily see why being a victor is much better. And if all goes well, learning the difference is enough. Naturally (and in time), you can be rid of your victimhood for good.

Understand the logic behind victim mentality

Victims are like other human beings. However, they’re not wired like every human being — they’re wired a particular way. 

It’s why your natural way of thinking is to keep playing the victim role always — even if you don’t actually have to.

Do you believe you’re not supposed to make decisions? That’s explainable. Unlike the people with a victor’s mentality, you believe you have no power over your life.

And here’s the tricky part: While you believe you have no power over everything that can happen, you still overthink. It’s because you’re mentally paralyzed or analytically paralyzed.

That’s why it’s best to understand the logic behind your state of mind. You need to acknowledge your way of thinking. And you need to accept it.

From then on, you’ll begin to see flaws in your logic. Your eyes will be open to your faulty actions. And on your own, you’ll feel the urge to think better.

Related: What Type of Personality Plays the Victim?

“It takes one to know one”

Observe the people you surround yourself with — your family and friends. Focus on their way of thinking. If not all, at least one of them may have a victim mentality, too.

For example, do they go to somebody else’s house and tell their mothers it’s because the homeowner wants them there? Or do they drink too much alcohol and say it’s because they were thirsty?

Victims don’t take responsibility for every action. Worse, their self-talk revolves around blaming others.

If your peers are like this, you’re probably also like this.

The solution is to reframe your mind.

You should also talk to your family and friends about their state of mind. Try to help them. If they don’t want your help, consider distancing yourself from them.

Be aware of the benefits of victimhood

Attention and pity are the common benefits victims get. And some people who play victim continue doing so because of these benefits.

What do you get?

Be aware of what you get. And understand you only receive these because of the difficulty of your life and your problematic mindset.

Remind yourself these are not good things. Remind yourself these are things you get for a special reason: You have a problem.

And if you want to be rid of that problem, you need to do your best to refuse these benefits.

Refusing benefits may not be easy. It’s one of the most practical ways, though, to be a victor.

Related: How Do You Deal with Victim Mentality?

Say no to self-pity and self-sabotage

By looking down on yourself, you’re indirectly inviting other people to look down on you. It’s like keeping the door ajar — the door to a room of your vulnerabilities, then tempting them to get in.

You need to know pitying yourself won’t do any good for your well-being. It’s not a proactive solution. What it does is make you feel awful and introduce you to negative emotions.

The same is true with the act of sabotaging yourself. It keeps you from pursuing great possibilities.

So don’t look down on yourself. And instead, have some self-confidence and see yourself in a better light. It’d be awesome if others see you in the same light, too. 

If they don’t, you shouldn’t be bothered by it. In fact, you should learn to be okay with it. The important thing is, you have some self-love. 

Remind yourself you deserve good

You may think you don’t deserve good. Because you think the world is working against you, you believe the only outcomes you deserve are terrible events. 

You’re wrong, though.

If your whole life is about waiting for things to come, and nothing but terrible things come, then make a change. Gear up to pursue a life of excellent achievements. And work for good to deserve good.

You need to change how you think. You need to think and believe you’re worthy, too.

Focus on something else

Distract yourself. Don’t dwell on your victimhood. And instead, occupy your mind with tasks.

The deal, though, is to run after good distractions. For the thrill-seekers, you can take up adventurous sports. For those who prefer peace and quiet, you can sign up for classes on knitting or gardening.

You should only engage in distractions that are good for you — good for your physical and mental health. They should also be something you’ll like.

The idea is to experience something new and be productive with something else. That way, you can be free from having too much time on your hands — particularly, from having excess time to clog your mind with unnecessary thoughts.

Take responsibility

Made a mistake? Be accountable!

Is the mistake small and meaningless? Or is it a huge and life-changing blunder? Either way, you need to own up to it.

You also should show initiative. If there are duties that can make others’ lives easier, you should consider taking them on.

Taking responsibility is a sign of maturity. It’s also how you can earn respect and admiration from someone.

Seek excellent opportunities

Living in a nicer house, getting a more promising job, and taking better care of your health are three things you can do to improve your situation — and there are others! Compared to entertaining feelings of self-pity, don’t you think your life will be better if you chase after these three things?

You should come to terms with the reality that you feel like a victim because you really are a victim. And you’re choosing to be that way.

If you’re in a terrible situation, it’s up to you to escape it. Complaining won’t do it for you.

So stop being a victim — you’re the only person putting yourself in that position. Seek better opportunities. If you believe the road to seeking better opportunities is difficult, you should figure out how to make it easy.

Be grateful

Whether the experience is mundane or extravagant, you need to acknowledge it. You should also be grateful for it.

Adopting the attitude of gratitude is good for you. It opens your eyes to everything around you.

By acknowledging your surroundings, you’re training your mind to know you’re the one in control of the possibilities. 

Think the only things worth being grateful for are the positive stuff? It’s understandable to think like that.

However, you should also express gratitude for the negativity. If not teach you a lesson, negativity comes with an unforgettable experience.

Final thoughts: Living life as a survivor

Making it through life with a victim’s state of mind can be rough on the people around you. Living with you can take its toll on them. If they’re trying to help you, let them. 

Listen to their advice so all of you can live harmoniously. You should consider yourself lucky to have a support system.

Not everyone has that.

So be grateful for them. You should also do your part in supporting them, too.

Also, if there are people in your life with a victim mentality, help them. If you found this article helpful, feel free to refer it to them.