Is Self Pity a Sign of Narcissism

Last updated on January 4th, 2023 at 10:38 am

We all have different personalities. Some are kind, emotional, hot-tempered, proud, or maybe melancholic. These are standard traits people have. And one of the most controversial ones is those with a narcissistic personality.

But what is narcissism? And is self-pity a sign of narcissism?

We’ll talk about that in this article because we’ll show you the signs of being one.

First, we’ll define what self-pity and narcissism are to set the foundation of this article.

Then, we’ll give concrete examples of what narcissistic people do and how you can deal with them.

This isn’t just a bad attitude; it is the effect of a person’s experiences and the people they have. There’s more to this than just being overly proud and anxious.

What is narcissism?

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A person suffering from narcissistic personality disorder exhibit arrogant and self-centered behavior pattern and a grandiose sense of self.

Narcissistic people also don’t show empathy or consideration for others. To make things worse, these people demand excessive attention and admiration from others to feel good.

Some describe narcissists as selfish, cocky, and demanding personalities from different people. These include their family, friends, and partners.

They’re the kind of people who don’t want to change their bad behavior, even if they already know it’s wrong.

They then blame others for their attitude, and they can also quickly get offended when people don’t react positively to their actions. Narcissists can’t accept criticisms, no matter how small they are, because they see these as personal attacks.

People who are around narcissists then find it better to accept their personality to avoid arguments and problems.

This is good in the short run, but this won’t help everyone if they tolerate this. Narcissists should be corrected so they can live happier and more peaceful life together with their loved ones.

Is self-pity a sign of narcissism?

Yes, self-pity can be a sign of narcissism. Some would classify this type of self-pity as a “narcissistic injury.”

Narcissists can’t accept criticisms because they see these as insults, even if they aren’t.

This happens because they consider themselves superior and better than others. However, the opposite occurs even if they think this way.

These people pity themselves because of unpleasant past experiences. They accept their shortcomings and weaknesses and think lowly about themselves.

This is why they want to look very nice in front of many people to show off how good they are. Why do they do this? Well, to avoid their previous experiences of failure.

But it’s also worth noting that some narcissists don’t pity themselves. Instead, they think too highly of themselves and consider their face, body, or intelligence superior.

They lack empathy and always want to be the leader of groups. Life is all about showing off for most narcissists. Although sometimes they do self-pity.

Related: Is It OK to Feel Sorry for Yourself?

Top Characteristics of a Narcissist

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Below are the personality disorders associated with being a narcissist:

Superiority complex

Narcissists feel superior. They think they are the best person there is. They show off their skills, intellect, and even belongings so they can feel better about themselves.

But note that this differs from self-confidence because this attitude isn’t usual. Narcissists think in extremes. An example of this is all about good or bad, inferior or superior, and right or wrong.

These people always want to be at the top because it’s the only place they feel safe and comfortable.

They should be the best, most ideal, and most competent in everything they do. And all should be done their way. They should also gain control of everyone and have everything they want. They then feel bad about themselves if they can’t have these.

Attention seeker

Another narcissistic core trait is the exaggerated need for attention. They feel inadequate and become insecure if they don’t get any attention. Examples of these are when they ask you nonsense things or find something so that you can talk to them.

Narcissists always want to be in the mind of everyone. People should also talk and think about them all the time.

They then feel left behind and think of themselves as a loser if they can’t get people’s attention. This makes them angry and urges them to argue with someone they are close to.

Need for validation

Narcissists need validation from others all the time. This means that they should receive overly flowery words that pour in positive and supportive thoughts to themselves. Unfortunately, these positive things flow through their ears and exit out.

They don’t believe these nice words because they think they aren’t good enough or are unlovable. Even these pleasant words can’t make them feel better. This shows that it’s tough to deal with narcissists.


Perfectionism as a heavy weight in life - symbolized by a person in chains attached to a prisoner ball to show that Perfectionism can cause suffering, 3d illustrationPin

Narcissists are perfectionists. They want everything around them to be perfect, no matter how small or irrelevant.

They want the world to be perfect and also you to be perfect. It doesn’t matter if it takes lots of time and effort as long as that specific task becomes perfect. Life should also play out as planned.

All these are impossible to do, so narcissists quickly feel inadequate and miserable. This excessive demand for perfection makes narcissists dissatisfied with their lives and the surrounding people.

Blames others

Narcissists always blame others, even if they’re the ones who cause the problems.

They lack responsibility because they think they can’t experience failure. This is ironic because narcissists always want to be in control of everything.

They then say they aren’t responsible for the failures. They point their fingers at others, so they don’t feel bad about themselves.

It just always has to be someone else’s fault and not theirs. This leads to low self-esteem and self-worth of the people around them.

Narcissists also usually blame the person closest to them. This is because they are the least likely to reject or leave them.

Unethical reactions

Another common trait of a narcissist is the lack of boundaries. This means they will go to great lengths to get what they want, even if this is already inappropriate. An example is when they will do everything they can to achieve something.

This includes excessive demands, pouting, rejection, or over-persistence. All these not only damage their relationship with other people. But this also makes them stressed about where they go about an emotional outburst.

They’re like small kids who want to get what they want, even if it means compromising work ethics or personal relationships.

No empathy

Narcissists find it hard to empathize with other people. It doesn’t matter if their friends or family members are going through a tough time or need their help. These people don’t feel the need to help other people, no matter how close they are to them.

Narcissists are selfish people who don’t want to spend their time and effort helping others. This is especially true if they can’t benefit from it.

  • Narcissists feel this way because of these common reasons:
  • They think they’re on the same level because they are superior.
  • Not their business
  • It won’t benefit their ego

They also don’t apologize to other people, even if they already know they have a hand in the failure. They won’t do this because they’ll lose their image of perfection.

Everything is a threat

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People who have a selfish attitude see everything as a threat. They are very biased when interpreting facial expressions because they always see them negatively.

An example is when a person doesn’t smile or talk in a plain tone. They then believe this person is angry at them or isn’t in the mood, even if that’s their normal tone or facial expression.

You should act your emotions dramatically and exaggeratedly so that the narcissist knows your feelings.

This is one of the many reasons narcissists only have a few friends. They easily misinterpret other people’s words and actions, even if they aren’t meant that way.

Illogical reasoning

The best way to reason with other persons is with logic. However, this is useless with narcissists because they won’t listen to logic.

It doesn’t matter if you say real things because they still won’t believe it and will reject your argument.

It just makes little sense to narcissists because they listen to their thoughts and emotions. You can argue in the best way possible and show real-life examples. But these won’t still affect the narcissist because they focus on their thoughts and opinions.

Dual personality

Narcissists have two different personalities. And these are two extreme personalities most of the time.

Sometimes they are very friendly. But there are also times when they become rude and hot-tempered. They also blame you regularly while they take all the credit for themselves.

These kinds of people also remember things as either very friendly or horrible. They can’t mix these up and live in a balanced world. This makes them hard to interact with because of their unpredictability.

Fear of rejection

The life of a narcissist revolves around fear. This means that they do something and feel motivated because of fear. However, it’s difficult to notice this because narcissists know how to hide their concerns from hindsight.

A person who displays these characteristics is a covert narcissist. Covert narcissists fear rejection and don’t want to be criticized because they see these as insults, which hurts their sense of own importance.

Some of the most common things people with covert narcissism fear are germs, bankruptcy, emotional and physical attacks, or abandonment. This is why narcissists find it hard to trust people.

Mood swings

Narcissists also have frequent mood swings because they easily get affected emotionally by other people. It doesn’t matter if they’ve received compliments or criticisms because these will not affect their perception.

They’ll always think there’s a hidden agenda on what people say or do to them. This makes them anxious and thinks irrationally, which leads to varying emotions.

They can be happy now and then sad after an hour or maybe burst into anger a few minutes later. There’s just no way to predict their mood because it’s always changing.


So, is a self pity a sign of a narcissistic person?

Yes, but it is just one of the many signs of a selfish person. But take note narcissists are all bad people.

There’s a good chance that they might be this way because of past bad experiences. They might also have an underlying problem, and they don’t want to show it to other people because no one can help them.

Good thing you’ve read this article to help someone you think is a narcissist. You might have asked yourself, “is self-pity a sign of narcissism?” And now, it’s your chance to clear this question to people you know.

Narcissists should be understood and not tolerated. There’s still a chance for these people to be better, but only if they acknowledge that they suffer from this disorder and seek support for their mental health.

On your part, you can educate and correct their wrong attitude. Just take it easy on these guys, so you don’t get yourself in trouble.

Related: How to Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself

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